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madame
hi there, this is me, the owner, CADEN YAP a.k.a the singapore no.1 bastard
birthday falls on 24th MARCH every year


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Wednesday, November 30, 2005 11:56 PM
came back from the wonderful seminar le. my sore eyes still not yet alright. sobs. tomorrow going thailand le. for 5days. hais. kinda of don't wish to leave. does tennagers have this kinda of problems? i do not know. well, back to point. lols. em, ya. today's seminar. wahaha. powerful seh. though i'm isolated in the NURSERY ROOM. lols. knew what LOVE is all about, and who can be the source. having think of this, i felt that i need to overcome myself with thoughts like :"i can never be your bread, never." even though i wanted it badly, but i can't. i'm sorry.

Love is acceptance. God loves and accept us for who we are. we are not made for rejection. it is bad to reject people because you will hurt the person. Love is accountablity. God loves us so much to leave us alone. because of the fact that everybody matters to God, therefore, how we treat other people is accountable to God. we have the power to hurt ourselves, and to hurt the people around us. we are all His. lastly, Love is affirmation. love is not just about the sweet talks, but is to prove to someone you love. perfect love can cast all fears aside. do not love people with sweet talks, but with the actions. i resisted Him, because i fear. i feared that the bread i'm holding on to will be gone once it's taken away. this bread that i'm holding on, give me all the pleasure that i want, but it will never be able to receive God's blessing. sigh.

i chose not to reject your love because i do not want to see you hurt. i'm not that kind of person who want to hurt people. but i guess, i'm wrong. i had hurt you deeper than i thought. sorry. hope that you are happy then ever. that's all i wish. what i did to you, i will account to God, the light that you were searching for. i cannot be the bread that you need. everyone has a hunger for love. but this is not the right thing you need. i cannot be the source of your happiness. but i want to say that the pain and the hurt that you go through matters to me too. i can say that i love you as someone special to me.

my **, tomorrow i will be leaving le. i sent you an email. and i want to say it again, i'm sorry. because of my selfishness, that's why i chose not to contact anyone. miss you a lot. take care. i will be here for you always.

thinking whether i should give you up after my trip. perhaps i should. i just felt that your pain and the hurt that you received also matters to me. i have not been daring enough to tell you that i like you, because i'm afraid that you will leave me one day. all this fears cause more than just emotion hurts. sigh. giving you up is going to be a great wall that i had to demolish. but i know i can do it.

kind of complicated stuff going on. but i will remain the smile in my heart, because time will heal everything. woohoo. going to pack my lauguage liao. not going to sleep tonight if i'm not wrong. wahaha. take care everyone. going to miss you guys lots. and thanks for everything. :)